5 Valuable Life Lessons I’ve Learned About Healing With an Autoimmune Disorder

In 2013, my life took a sudden and painful turn. One morning, I woke up to find my knees swollen to the size of cantaloupes. They were hot, screaming in pain, and I could barely walk. As a salon owner and hairstylist, standing was my whole day — my livelihood — and yet, there I was, unable to take even a step without crying out. Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) made itself known, uninvited (so I thought), and my world was about to change.

My RA didn’t present typically — large joint inflammation isn’t as common with this disease. At first, I tried to push through it, relying on Tylenol and Advil until the side effects of my ‘solution’ became as concerning as the illness itself. All the while, I was desperate to quit doing hair but didn’t know how. I felt trapped, not wanting to let my clients, family, or husband down.

In the swirl of all the testing, doctors appointments, being unheard and misdiagnosed, I stumbled across When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté. This book was a revelation. It exposed a truth I had been ignoring: my illness wasn’t just physical — it was emotional and even spiritual. I realized my habitual people-pleasing, ignoring my needs, and not listening to my body were undeniable contributing factors. So, healing really began when I understood my illness had psychological roots that had been growing my whole life.

Nothing I’m about to say is rooted in blame — I don’t blame myself for being sick, and nobody should. What I hope is my realizations might help someone else navigating chronic illness or autoimmune challenges. If you feel triggered by what follows, sit with it and ask yourself why. I promise, I’m not sitting here judging you — or me.

Here are the five most valuable lessons I’ve learned (so far) along the way:

1. Don’t ‘Push Through’ — Rest Before You’re Exhausted For years, I believed in powering through. Let’s be real, I was taught to power through. As a competitive dancer in my youth, you practically had to be on your deathbed to miss rehearsals, performances, or competitions. But the truth is, stopping before you’re tired (or injured) is magical. By taking breaks early, I’ve learned to avoid burnout. Over time, this practice has restored more energy than I ever thought possible. The more I listen to my body’s signals, the more “spoons” I gain.

2. Stop Getting Mad at Your Body — For the longest time, I made my body the enemy. Every limitation, every pain, became a source of frustration. But once I started sending love and gratitude to my body instead of anger and frustration, everything shifted. Learning to appreciate what my body can do has been some of the best medicine I’ve found. I think about the X-rays of my knees and feel grateful they still carry me forward. I reflect on all the ways I’ve abused my body — extreme diets, surgeries, partying, pushing through injuries, ignoring the need for rest when fatigue and pain were screaming at me — and I’m amazed at how resilient it still is.

3. Your Thoughts and Feelings Are Key to Healing — It took me a long time to realize that my thoughts and feelings have a direct impact on my healing. Chronic illness thrives in environments filled with stress, anger, and frustration. By consciously shifting my mindset, I’ve opened the door to healing in ways I never imagined. That list keeps growing as I uncover more beliefs that may be contributing to limitations. A good example most people can relate to “I’m getting old”, “I’m __ years old, my body is breaking down.” We are all chronologically gaining years, but in many ways I’m healthier now than I was in my 20’s. When you identify with something, you become it.

4. The Messages You Send Your Body Matter — Negative self-talk — especially toward your body — creates a cycle that perpetuates dis-ease. I had to learn to stop feeding my RA with those kinds of thoughts. The messages I’m talking about are the ones where we tell our body it can’t do something without even trying. During one of my worst RA flares, we installed stair lifts to help me get through daily life. At that point, showering was a major accomplishment, and I needed a chair just to manage that twice a week. After receiving effective treatment, my energy came back. While I still can’t run up the stairs, I can walk up them. The problem was, I kept using the lift long after I needed to, still telling my body it couldn’t manage the stairs on its own.

5. Find the “Positive” Outcome of Your Illness This might seem counterintuitive, or piss you off but one of the most significant breakthroughs I had was asking myself, “What am I getting out of being sick?” This isn’t about toxic positivity- finding the positive in a negative to pretend everything’s okay. The key to this self-discovery can help to find other ways to fill this need. For me, RA forced me to re-evaluate my life and shift onto a path that was more aligned with my purpose. I transitioned from hairstylist to astrologer, writer and sound practitioner. In many ways, my illness became the catalyst for discovering what I’m meant to do in this life.

While numbers two, three, and four might seem similar, they’re intrinsically different. Number two refers to how you react to your body’s response to symptoms. Number three focuses on “I am…” statements, like “I’m getting old,” “I am chronically ill,” or “I’m always tired, nauseous, or in pain.” Number four is about the “I can’t…” statements.

As I move forward, these are all still a work in progress. After years of trying to be something others accept, I’m becoming unapologetically who I am and accepting her is a work in progress, but a project I love working on more and more every day. Some other books that have been extremely helpful are Mindset by Carol S. Dweck. Anything on self-compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff, but “The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion and the workbook were where I discovered her and they are incredible. And The Power of Receiving by Amanda Owen, just to name a few.

If you can relate, or have something to share, comment! I’d love to hear from you. Also, you can let me know if this content is interesting by following me and liking the article, and if you know someone who might benefit from reading about my experiences, please pass this along.